Today, we had someone come by who was incredibly presumptuous, annoying and generally rude. I would like to encapsulate their visit by writing down some dos and don\u2019ts when visiting us for a single meal or for an extended stay. I\u2019m sure there are some take aways for both situations.<\/p>\n
1. Do bring a host or hostess gift. Bottle of wine, trinket that reminded you of us or an unexpected dessert or appetizer. In fact, you should probably ask if there is something you can bring. Not just show up 45 minutes late without a text or phone call for the 30 minute late time that you provided earlier in the morning.<\/p>\n
1a. Don\u2019t show up with the disposable plastic containers that you were explicitly told were not to be returned and act like you just handed me the Holy Grail or a bar of gold. It was GladWare and you should have recycled or reused it.<\/p>\n
2. Don\u2019t think that you are going to be spending the entire weekend here when you\u2019ve been invited for a single meal. I might let you slide and have two meals, but don\u2019t think that you\u2019re staying for breakfast and lunch. Especially when we\u2019ve said we have other house guests, who made plans earlier, spending the night.<\/p>\n
3. Do try to be interested in other topics of conversation other than the ones that directly apply to you. I do not have cable. I do not watch a lot of TV or movies, I have 3 kids under 3. I have an hour between putting them all to bed and when I pass out in front of said TV which I recorded from over-the-air broadcast TV or getting on NetFlix. I\u2019m trying to expand upon a topic that you brought up that is occurring in the real world, not in your fantasy land.<\/p>\n
3a. Don\u2019t talk about why the Executive Producer of whatever the fuck will be the best thing that happened to Show X. Because it doesn\u2019t matter and I don\u2019t want to spend any minute inside the 1 1\/2 – 2 hours of the day, when all the children are sleeping, doing anything I don’t want to do. This includes chatting about Show X or Y or Z, all of which I\u2019ve expressed are not shows I watch or intend to watch.<\/p>\n
3b. If I tell you I don\u2019t want to hear about the ending to a show that I do watch, DON\u2019T TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING ENDING. I\u2019ve already said that twice. Don\u2019t tell me about the ending, I\u2019m watching this weekend.<\/p>\n
4. Don\u2019t sit at the table dicking with your phone and expect that I will plate your food and serve you like I\u2019m the fucking help and you are lord of the manor. I\u2019m the king of this castle because I work my ass off to pay the mortgage, keep these kids in clothes and my wife properly sexed.<\/p>\n
5. Don\u2019t invite yourself to anything else that was mentioned in passing as part of a conversation between my wife and I. It was not intended for you to hear as was evident of both of us being out of the room and your nosey ass went snooping to see what you could find.<\/p>\n
6. Don\u2019t show up at my house and mention that I don\u2019t have your preferred beverage when a) you didn\u2019t bring shit; and b) you know that you want something that I can\u2019t buy in the area I live in.<\/p>\n
As I said up top, one person did the opposite of the list provided over the span of 8 hours today. You will not be invited back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today, we had someone come by who was incredibly presumptuous, annoying and generally rude. I would like to encapsulate their visit by writing down some dos and don\u2019ts when visiting us for a single meal or for an extended stay. I\u2019m sure there are some take aways for both situations. 1. Do bring a host […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1334"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1334\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylifeinexcrement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}